Keeping up with the relations
by Em the elf
Summary: What happened next? Emily and George back for more and of course Legolas and other favourites including Kai!
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

It was silent. Deeply silent.

Legolas was not used to silence. He opened his eyes and rubbed absently at them. He had not slept that well for years. The sun was pouring in lighting up the room in a golden glow. Life was good. He had waited a long time for this. He rolled over expecting to see his wife. The bed was empty next to him.

He rose and moved silently across the room to their bathing chamber. No not there. Puzzled he resisted the urge to call out. After all, the silence was heavenly. He moved towards the window. The sea stretched as far as he could see.

"Thank the Valar I came to Valinor," he sighed. Breathing deeply he looked down at the beach. Squinting against the sun he spotted his wife.

She was jumping up and down waving frantically out to sea. He moved his gaze to the small orange object bobbing up and down on the water.

In a second Legolas' idyllic future shattered along with the silence.

"George you fucker!!!! What have you done with my children?!"

"You alright Emily?! What you doing alive?!!!!!" George paddled frantically to shore.

Legolas prayed he was dreaming.


	2. Memories

_**Chapter One**_

In a second Legolas' idyllic future shattered along with the silence.

"George you fucker!!!! What have you done with my children?!"

"You alright Emily?! What you doing alive?!!!!!" George paddled frantically to shore.

Legolas prayed he was dreaming. It was not long before Legolas realised no amount of praying would help him now.

George's orange dingy reached the sandy beach of Valinor and the young man jumped out rugby tackling his sister. "You're alive! How?!"

"Never mind that where are my kids?!"

"Kids? Kids?" George pondered. "Hmmm not sure."

"Not sure?! Not sure?! You had better get sure mate!" Emily lunged at him fastening her grip round his neck.

Legolas came running across the sand. From the window he had considered letting Emily strangle her brother to death but George's gurgling noises had brought him to his senses. "Let him be." Legolas struggled to pull Emily who was flailing wilding off.

"Yeesh you still know how to overreact!"

"Overreact?!"

"It is not like they are unsupervised. Kai will look after them."

"Kai couldn't even look after a goldfish!" Screeched Emily.

"Calm down melamin. George where are Kai and the kids?"

"Like I said I don't rightly remember."

"How can you not remember?!" Legolas again considered releasing Emily.

"I've had a very traumatic experience. Lord knows how long I have been stranded at sea. All this alone time has done funny things to my brain!" George suddenly cried out, "Daddy!"

Legolas was about to comment on this out burst when he noticed Elrond approaching. "What on Valinor is going on here. You can hear this commotion from the other side of the island! George?! That the Valor you are safe."

"Yeah no thanks to these two." George poked his tongue out at his sister and her husband.

"I want you to listen very carefully to me oh brother of mine." Emily snarled. "I want you to do whatever it will take to get that memory of yours working again."

"Well in that case, drinks all around!"

"So…" Slurred George. "As I said to the turtle, 'It is not salmon that converse so lovingly with the octopus, it is in fact the lowly mackerel of Brighton.' To which he replied 'bollocks' to so I ate him."

Elrohir and Elladan roared with laughter and moved on to their eleventh glasses of wine. Emily who had begun to drink in despair hiccupped loudly and Legolas who was painfully sober buried his head in his hands and resisted the urge to find a large bottle of grapefruit juice.

George giggled merrily. "I am so happy you are alive Emily. I have missed you so bad. It has been weird without you."

"Well it is not like I haven't been busy." Emily began. "Whoever said death was like sleeping was completely wrong."

"What was it like?" This was the first time Legolas had been brave enough to ask this question.

"Loud and extremely cramped."

"Huh?! I thought heaven was supposed to be a quiet, peaceful solitude." George commented.

"Only if that is your idea of heaven." Answered Emily.

Legolas thought his idea of heaven sounded perfect right now. Silence seemed so elusive today. "So what was yours then if it was loud and cramped?"

"That is my secret." Smirked Emily.

"Pirates!" Blurted George. "That's is my idea of heaven, sailing the seven seas with a load of pirates! That would be awesome…" George faltered. "Wait…pirates…something…island…cannibals!"

"What are you babbling about?" Asked Legolas.

"Bugger! The kids!"

"What about the kids? What cannibals?" Emily panicked.

"Well it all started like this really."

Start Dream sequence….

"I think it's time we began our randy venture of merriment and misadventure which will lead us on a quest of gargantuan proportion!" Cheered George.

"Aye Avast!" Yelled the triplets.

"So what is the plan then George?" Asked Kai.

"I think you'll find that should be 'what is the plan then Captain?'" Corrected George smugly.

"Um how comes you are captain?!"

"Because I declare I am captain!"

"If anyone is going to be captain it most definitely should not be you!" Yelled Kai.

"Why not?!"

"We might as well elect a chimp to do the job!"

"That's not entirely fair." Commented Xavier.

"Thank you Xavier." George said.

"A chimp would do a better job." Xavier finished.

"Hey!" George cried. "That's it I declare Kingship and plus I pull rank over all of you therefore I shall be Captain!"

"If anyone should be pulling rank it should be me!" Informed Ellette. "I'm the princess of Mirkwood and the first in line for the throne!"

"Does that mean if Legolas retires and we get married…I'll be King?!" Asked Kai trying to conceal his excitement.

"Well yes I suppose so." Answered Ellette.

"King Kai!" Whispered Kai to himself. "Wow."

"You are neglecting the fact that I was King of Gondor and that Mirkwood's only use now will be if it snowed and someone needs something to grit the path with! Now does anyone else have anything else to say?" Everyone stared in silence at George. "No? Good, now I shall take the helm."

Ten minutes later…

"Um Captain George, shouldn't we weigh the anchor?" Asked Pierre.

"And what possible use could be have for knowing how heavy the anchor is?!" Laughed George.

"No um…weigh the anchor means to raise it."

"Oh right! Well that makes a lot more sense and it would also explain why we are only travelling at one knot. Weigh the anchor my dear Pierre and we shall soon see gold on the horizon."

The anchor was hauled onto the deck complete with driftwood and toilet seat.

"What's this?" Asked Xavier as he gently picked up the porcelain ring.

"That is a toilet seat, and of good make as well, Armatage Shanks if I'm not mistaken."

"Yes but what does it do?"

"Well you know how the toilets here are wooden. Well this little beauty eliminates though nasty splinter issues."

"What is going on?!" Yelled Haldir as he appeared from below deck. "Why is George at the helm, where is the shipwright and why the hell are you facing the wrong way?!"

"Three interesting questions. The answers to which are, one: I am the captain therefore should be at the helm, two: he went swimming and three: I think you'll find I am standing the right way and it is in fact the boat which has been built the wrong way round."

"What?! This is ridiculous! Kai! How could you let him take charge of the boat?!" Kai who was currently sun bathing on deck answered Haldir by rolling over and falling asleep. "Great this is just perfect! George I demand that you take this ship to Valinor right now and for Valar's sake please look in the right direction, you are travelling blind."

"Look I can't help that elves have a shipping design fault, on a human boat we would be facing this way hence there would no obstructions to my view. See with this great big pole thing in the middle, there could be a really thin ice burg ahead and I wouldn't see it because of that pole!"

"That's the mast."

"Whatever, the point is that this boat has been built backwards! Even the sails are on backwards, the wheel is backwards and you are backwards!"

"I'm what?!"

"Ooooh is that a baby I hear crying?" George commented. Haldir not hearing anything but constantly worrying about his new son quickly went below deck. "He he that always works! Now let's take a left." George turned the wheel to the left failing to notice that the boat turned right and the fact that he was headed straight for a pirate ship.

"Look out!" Screamed Ellette.

Everything went black.


End file.
